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[ian]

so then why not wait until she's done asking her questions and then leaves?

[ITGIRL07]

She leaves in the sense that she steps outside the room so I can ask a question, but quite often she's still within earshot (as she expects me to walk and talk with her after class), so there's not really any true privacy even after she "leaves."  In other cases, she actually vacates the area, but the TA also has to leave (i.e. for one of his classes). It's becoming quite irritating. 

[ian]

hmmm, that sounds like a tough situation.  You could always try saying, "oh go ahead without me i'll be a minute" and see if she takes the hint.  You could also try emailing your TA and see if you could meet up one week outside of office hours.  You could always make up the excuse that you are busy that week and won't be able to make his scheduled office hours.  The one downside is that, at that point, your basically taking up his personal time just so you can talk with him, which may not be the best idea.

[Chris]

I agree with Ian that emailing him to see if he can meet outside of his regularly scheduled office hours is a good way to get some real private time. Also the option still remains of offering him lunch or something like that as a thank you for all the help he's given to you during the semester.

[ITGIRL07]

I strongly considered asking to meet him outside class and outside his regular office hours until I heard other kids in the class trying to arrange out of class meetings with him.  It was quite clear that he wasn't pleased with them taking up his time (though that could be because they've never sought help before and they're only asking for help because of the final).  Also complicating the matter is the fact that he's grading a portion of the final and a project and those grades won't go through until after the class ends.  That about takes me back to square one--how do I get over my affection for him?

[ian]

That about takes me back to square one--how do I get over my affection for him?

This sentence contradicts itself.  I thought you were interested in going out with him, so why would you want to get over him?

My only suggestion at this point would be to ask him to go get a coffee after class.  Is there a mutual interest you share?  If so, make that the topic of conversation while you have your coffee.

[ITGIRL07]

I'm 19.  My TA is 23.  He's a fabulous teacher and a really great guy.  I think I'm falling in love with him and I know I shouldn't.  How do I get him out of my head?

This was my first posting, so my sentence about getting over my affection is not a contradiction.  I have wanted to go out with him but it never seemed quite right.

As for a mutual interest...it's been difficult to get to talk to him privately since others have been seeking him out for help.  I've tried asking him about his future and his response has been something like "I should put that on the end of the course survey--you guys decide what I'll do."  I guess I just don't have the experience or the talent to pursue this very well.

[ian]

I'm 19.  My TA is 23.  He's a fabulous teacher and a really great guy.  I think I'm falling in love with him and I know I shouldn't.  How do I get him out of my head?

This was my first posting, so my sentence about getting over my affection is not a contradiction.  I have wanted to go out with him but it never seemed quite right.

I understand, but this thread has been about how you should go about asking him out and spending time with him outside of class.  Thats why I said it was a contradiction.  If you're looking to get over him then I suggest just letting time take its course.  Once the semester is over you won't be seeing him anymore, so "out of site, out of mind."

If you still have interest then I think at this point you need to just be forward and to the point.  You're overthinking it too much.  As stated ask him if he would like to get coffee one day.  If coffee goes well and you two have a mutual interest, then ask him to go out one night.  He may say yes and he may say no, but as Singer put it earlier in this thread "It's easier to know if he has mutual feelings or not, rather than never knowing what could of been."

[ITGIRL07]

After a month-long break between semesters, I can honestly say that "out of sight, out of mind" didn't work out.  So, I did contact him via e-mail to set up a time to get back my final and project from the course.  I was all set to move forward and see if there was a interest until I found out that he's not teaching calc 2 any more; he's unexpectedly teaching calc 3.  He's also toying with the idea of TAing another year and then maybe getting into grad school, so I could end up as his student again (I'm in calc 4 now with a different TA, but I'll be taking calc 3 in the fall).  I also found out that his classroom is literally next door to the one I'll be in once a week, so I will see him on a regular basis [just after his class ends and right before mine begins].  Knowing those two things, I couldn't bring myself to try to take it to the next level.  Am I being too cautious or should I stay the course a bit longer to see how things play out when we see each other in a less formal setting?

[ian]

Am I being too cautious or should I stay the course a bit longer to see how things play out when we see each other in a less formal setting?

At this point you have nothing to lose.

[Chris]

Even though there's a chance he might be your TA again, if things don't work out you can always take Calc 3 with a different TA, so why not give it a shot and find out for sure how he feels about you? Side note: why are you taking Calc 3 after taking Calc 4?

[ITGIRL07]

You're right about being able to take Calc 3 from another TA [though competent TAs without impossible-to-understand accents are a rare find; this guy may be the only one in the math department].

My college considers Calc 4 to be multivariable calc/vector analysis and Calc 3 to be linear algebra/differential equations.  My major calls for the sequence to be 1, 2, 4, 3 and every advisor I've asked said that in terms of continuity 3 and 4 don't have to be taken in any particular order, which is why I'm in 4 before 3.

[Singer]

You're not doing yourself any good by running this into a 3 page thread on a forum.  You're gonna drive yourself crazy.  Do it or don't do it.  Christ...

[patsfan1]

Just talk to him about anything other than your class. Develop a friendship first, then take the next step so you don't feel any pressure. Once you relax your mind, it'll be easier, the main thing is making your feelings the top priority to him, not the class or schoolwork.

[ITGIRL07]

I've been talking to him on a fairly regular basis the past few months.  His plans are to go on a 10-month Bible study next year and then possibly grad school somewhere.  He said he might be back at our university, but he's not really sure what he's going to do or where he's going to go.

I attended his graduation ceremony and congratulated him and all that.  He knows (or should know by now) that I care about him as a friend, but he doesn't know that I like him as more than a friend.  With him leaving the university at the end of finals week, I didn't see any point in telling him anything else.  Did I make the right choice?